Whether you are working in an open plan office design where you can hear your colleague sip his morning coffee, have an office of your own, whether you are a captain of industry, climbing your way up the ramp to success, or simply want to do your job to the best of your ability, you will invariably come in contact with colleagues, clients, bosses who test your patience.    And, in the realm of our social and personal lives the same difficult personalities types can lurk, making us feel FRUSTRATED!

·         The Bully whose temper is on constant overdrive, and uses tantrums, cutting, sarcastic remarks to bully others in to submission.

·         The  Victim who has a non-stop narrative of complaints, but will never do anything to address what he/she is complaining about

·         The Super Agreeable who goes out of his/her way to agree with you in your presence, but never produced what they say they will.

·         The Indifferent Stonewall who is unresponsive, cold, unmoved by anything and everything that appears to be happening around him/her.

·         The Self Proclaimed Expert who wants you to recognize that they know it all, and refuses to listen to any voice other than his/her own.

·         The Perfectionist who struggles with indecision as he/she refuses to let go of anything until it is perfect; which can mean almost never.

Behind every bully is a little boy or little girl who feels powerless, and strives to make up for his/her feeling of lack of control or power by controlling and bullying others.   The more you give into a bully, the more you feed his desire to control. If you let yourself be pushed around by a bully, he or she will just push you harder. 

Here are some communication techniques for dealing with bullies:

·         Stand up to the bully without fighting.  Let them vent, and then get their attention by stating their name, sitting or standing.

·         Maintain eye contact, state your position powerfully but calmly.

·         Do not argue.  Suggest working together to problem solve around the issue at hand.

·         If the bully continues to vent, do not have a knee jerk reaction to being berated or yelled at, simply tell them that you will be pleased to talk to them and problem solve when they have calmed down.

·         Do not give in to a bully, unless you want to continue to be bullied.  Set your boundaries with the bully without personalizing what he/she says because his rage will be directed at anyone he/she can bully.  However, you can decide that you will not play the game.

Are you dealing with a bully?  What techniques have you tried to deal with this difficult personality type?  Write to me at irene@justcoachit.com or post on this Ezine and share your experiences and techniques.

Next posting we will talk about how to communicate with THE VICTIM.